Tuesday, 28 December 2010

Just a little note of feelings

When you grow up you get told that 'the only person you can rely on is yourself.' But how many people only have them self to rely on?
I do, only have myself to rely on that is. Well not just yet but the time is coming. I think the worst part is the wait of having it hanging over your head, that ticking time bomb. I can feel it's weight, even on my heart, the tears i push back and the grimace i put on to all those around. It does not have smile status, to put it on for that would just make its falseness apparent.
A pain, a physical pain is right there in my heart it comes and goes, i think it is always there but just forced back most of the time. I do not necessarily believe in the heart breaking but i do believe that the heart can hurt for the emotional pain the brain feels.
i have months left till i go away and find that everyone i love is going there way. which means i have no home to return to, and i shall officially come from a 'broken home' and when i want to come back will have no where to come home to. i do not know if i can face the world, face my life without them by my side to support me, to love, and be my shield to protect me and cushion my falls, but i have to.
The pain in my hearts leaves doubt in my mind.

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