When you grow up you get told that 'the only person you can rely on is yourself.' But how many people only have them self to rely on?
I do, only have myself to rely on that is. Well not just yet but the time is coming. I think the worst part is the wait of having it hanging over your head, that ticking time bomb. I can feel it's weight, even on my heart, the tears i push back and the grimace i put on to all those around. It does not have smile status, to put it on for that would just make its falseness apparent.
A pain, a physical pain is right there in my heart it comes and goes, i think it is always there but just forced back most of the time. I do not necessarily believe in the heart breaking but i do believe that the heart can hurt for the emotional pain the brain feels.
i have months left till i go away and find that everyone i love is going there way. which means i have no home to return to, and i shall officially come from a 'broken home' and when i want to come back will have no where to come home to. i do not know if i can face the world, face my life without them by my side to support me, to love, and be my shield to protect me and cushion my falls, but i have to.
The pain in my hearts leaves doubt in my mind.